This story was partly inspired by the picture below. Is there a parallel universe where Captain Vijayakanth and Obama are actually friends? What would such a world be like? What follows is a story in such a world, with elements drawn from the current political system in India.
Part
1
In planet
Krypton, there existed a country called ‘Isthamalia Kalakal Asia’, shortly
known as IKA. IKA had a long generation of rulers belonging to a clan called ‘The
Dynasty’. They were good at one thing and only one thing – eating, sleeping and
procreating. Well, they may be three different things, but they involve the
same skill – the ability to do nothing. But the 37th king in the dynasty had a problem,
which if badly handled could mean the end of his dynasty. The problem was
caused by a fast rising young leader called Captain. Captain held the secret to
unlock the long and carefully spun hair of the turban-clad rulers of IKA. And
according to tradition any person who had the ability to do so would
automatically become the leader of IKA.
Captain was a
dashing young man with a belly that anyone in IKA would have been proud of. Captain’s
belly, nurtured by eating curd rice and chicken gravy for years, and the rest
of his body now weighs a little over 120 Kg. His dark complexion, unkempt mane
combined with his pot-like belly made him a darling of the ladies of IKA. But
Captain was not a man at peace with himself. Having lived on the streets for
the most part of his life, Captain knew that he had to fight for his bread and
whiskey. With little money in his partially-torn pockets, Captain was a man
flitting about the streets of IKA without any goal. But all this changed when
he met a bright young man, Obama.
To understand
about the bonding between Captain and Obama one needs to know about the life of
people in this country. It was one of hardship and acute poverty. Yes, acute
poverty. To earn 100 Rajas (currency in IKA) one had to spend 12 hours doing
telemarketing and calling up people, soliciting them with credit card schemes
and internet plans. It didn’t help that 1 Kg of rice cost 50 Rajas. But not all
happenings in IKA were contrary to the rules of normal life; the fundamental
laws of supply and demand did apply in this place – any variety of alcohol costs
just 10 Rajas per liter. But here too there were signs of oligarchy. After
purchasing any quantity of alcohol, every man had to hold his balls and shout
“Hail Mijay Vallya” (a liquor baron of IKA with considerable influence among
the ruling class). Concessions to this rule did apply and women were exempted
from this sexiest rule. After all, IKA was a place where feminine soft power
wielded considerable influence.
Life was far
from rosy and Captain felt the brunt of it. He had been abandoned by his parents
when he was still learning to count. Having to live all by himself Captain knew
about the gross inequalities of life. Despite hardships in life, Captain made
something out of his life. He joined the army where he performed exceptionally
well. In a short span he became a one man regiment. He was famous for his
heroics with terrorist groups and his unique one-legged move. Now, you guys
don’t try this at home. It goes like this – one leg on the ground and another
one on the wall in such a way that it makes a 90 degree angle with the leg on
the ground. Captain’s hands would swirl so fast that they resembled chopper
blades. But the secret behind this move lay in the manner in which Captain’s
belly moved in a multitude of directions that made it difficult for any radar
to map. However, despite his exploits Captain quit the armed forces because of
the lack of probity among higher officials. But his stint in the army did have
one positive impact. It was there that he met a certain individual called
Obama, a tall dark man whose silence was very mysterious but spoke eloquently.
Obama commanded respect in the ranks of the army. But Captain sensed a deeper
meaning in Obama’s silence. He vowed to find out about it.
Captain and
Obama hit it off instantly. They both had a tough upbringing and had once
fought on the same side in a pub brawl, without actually knowing it. They
shared the same opinion on the way of life in IKA and decided that things must
change. It was during one such conversation under a Bodhi tree that Obama
revealed a secret that his family had kept for generations – the secret to
untie the knots of the mane of IKA’s rulers, or the ‘Paramananda’ secret. As
soon as Obama passed on the secret, lightning and thunderstorms marked the
occasion. The information that Obama gave to Captain was potentially life
altering, not only for the Captain but for the entire populace of IKA. Captain
looked up to the sky and raised his hands. He felt a strong pulse pass through
his body from the bottom of his foot to the top of his head. His body shivered
for a second and he stood looking up to the sky. Captain realized that he had found
his calling in life. Service to his motherland would be his life’s definition.
Seeing the smiles on the countless children of IKA would be Captain’s calling.
“Yes, my lord. Yes”, said Captain with his customary sly smile. A new fragrance
pervaded the air under that Bodhi tree. It smelled of success. Obama smiled
knowing that Captain was the right man to pass on this divine secret. For
generations his family had waited for a man like Captain. With a smile on his
lips and contentment in his heart Obama breathed his last right there under the
Bodhi tree. Captain performed the last rites of his friends and set forth to
accomplish the task at hand – implementing the ‘Paramananda’ secret. Life in
IKA would never be the same again.
A revolution had begun.
A revolution had begun.