Captain Vijayakanth & Obama Save the World - 1

This story was partly inspired by the picture below. Is there a parallel universe where Captain Vijayakanth and Obama are actually friends? What would such a world be like? What follows is a story in such a world, with elements drawn from the current political system in India. 

Part 1   

                 

In planet Krypton, there existed a country called ‘Isthamalia Kalakal Asia’, shortly known as IKA. IKA had a long generation of rulers belonging to a clan called ‘The Dynasty’. They were good at one thing and only one thing – eating, sleeping and procreating. Well, they may be three different things, but they involve the same skill – the ability to do nothing. But the 37^th king in the dynasty had a problem, which if badly handled could mean the end of his dynasty. The problem was caused by a fast rising young leader called Captain. Captain held the secret to unlock the long and carefully spun hair of the turban-clad rulers of IKA. And according to tradition any person who had the ability to do so would automatically become the leader of IKA. 

Captain was a dashing young man with a belly that anyone in IKA would have been proud of. Captain’s belly, nurtured by eating curd rice and chicken gravy for years, and the rest of his body now weighs a little over 120 Kg. His dark complexion, unkempt mane combined with his pot-like belly made him a darling of the ladies of IKA. But Captain was not a man at peace with himself. Having lived on the streets for the most part of his life, Captain knew that he had to fight for his bread and whiskey. With little money in his partially-torn pockets, Captain was a man flitting about the streets of IKA without any goal. But all this changed when he met a bright young man, Obama.

To understand about the bonding between Captain and Obama one needs to know about the life of people in this country. It was one of hardship and acute poverty. Yes, acute poverty. To earn 100 Rajas (currency in IKA) one had to spend 12 hours doing telemarketing and calling up people, soliciting them with credit card schemes and internet plans. It didn’t help that 1 Kg of rice cost 50 Rajas. But not all happenings in IKA were contrary to the rules of normal life; the fundamental laws of supply and demand did apply in this place – any variety of alcohol costs just 10 Rajas per liter. But here too there were signs of oligarchy. After purchasing any quantity of alcohol, every man had to hold his balls and shout “Hail Mijay Vallya” (a liquor baron of IKA with considerable influence among the ruling class). Concessions to this rule did apply and women were exempted from this sexiest rule. After all, IKA was a place where feminine soft power wielded considerable influence.

Life was far from rosy and Captain felt the brunt of it. He had been abandoned by his parents when he was still learning to count. Having to live all by himself Captain knew about the gross inequalities of life. Despite hardships in life, Captain made something out of his life. He joined the army where he performed exceptionally well. In a short span he became a one man regiment. He was famous for his heroics with terrorist groups and his unique one-legged move. Now, you guys don’t try this at home. It goes like this – one leg on the ground and another one on the wall in such a way that it makes a 90 degree angle with the leg on the ground. Captain’s hands would swirl so fast that they resembled chopper blades. But the secret behind this move lay in the manner in which Captain’s belly moved in a multitude of directions that made it difficult for any radar to map. However, despite his exploits Captain quit the armed forces because of the lack of probity among higher officials. But his stint in the army did have one positive impact. It was there that he met a certain individual called Obama, a tall dark man whose silence was very mysterious but spoke eloquently. Obama commanded respect in the ranks of the army. But Captain sensed a deeper meaning in Obama’s silence. He vowed to find out about it.

Captain and Obama hit it off instantly. They both had a tough upbringing and had once fought on the same side in a pub brawl, without actually knowing it. They shared the same opinion on the way of life in IKA and decided that things must change. It was during one such conversation under a Bodhi tree that Obama revealed a secret that his family had kept for generations – the secret to untie the knots of the mane of IKA’s rulers, or the ‘Paramananda’ secret. As soon as Obama passed on the secret, lightning and thunderstorms marked the occasion. The information that Obama gave to Captain was potentially life altering, not only for the Captain but for the entire populace of IKA. Captain looked up to the sky and raised his hands. He felt a strong pulse pass through his body from the bottom of his foot to the top of his head. His body shivered for a second and he stood looking up to the sky. Captain realized that he had found his calling in life. Service to his motherland would be his life’s definition. Seeing the smiles on the countless children of IKA would be Captain’s calling. “Yes, my lord. Yes”, said Captain with his customary sly smile. A new fragrance pervaded the air under that Bodhi tree. It smelled of success. Obama smiled knowing that Captain was the right man to pass on this divine secret. For generations his family had waited for a man like Captain. With a smile on his lips and contentment in his heart Obama breathed his last right there under the Bodhi tree. Captain performed the last rites of his friends and set forth to accomplish the task at hand – implementing the ‘Paramananda’ secret. Life in IKA would never be the same again. 

A revolution had begun.