When A Guy And A Girl Are 3 Feet Apart, Mayhem Prevails.

Several things go on in a guy’s mind when he looks at a girl. But here is what I found out today, the craziness

of the guy’s thoughts is inversely proportional to the distance from the girl. And at a magic distance of 3 feet, the guy becomes philosophically unbearable for friends near him.

When a guy spots a girl a good 15 feet away, he has seen her for a long enough period before the 3 feet mark. So, his craziness is correspondingly lower. When the distance reduces to 3 feet, the guy has enough composure to hold his thoughts together. But when a guy starts seeing a girl at a much closer distance, mayhem prevails. Here is what happened to me today.

Memories of the mystery girl, who made me write one of my previous articles (click here to read it), were slowly fading away. It’s been a few weeks since I last saw her. But I met her today, as I was walking out to have lunch.

I saw her when she was about 5 feet away from me. I didn't recognize her at first; she was wearing a pant and a shirt. Every time I had seen her before, she was wearing something ethnic. So the first of those precious 5 feet was gone in finding out if it was actually her.

At a distance of 4 feet, her stately walk and the artificial mannerism that she puts on when she sees me, struck me. I loved the way she had done her hair today. Another foot gone.

Now, at that magic distance of 3 feet, there was nothing that I could do prevent nature’s forces. In hindsight, I only pity my friends.

It was not easy for me to stare at her in an obvious way when she was that close. So I tried to look straight pretending not to have noticed her at all. But as it always happens, I ended up watching her from the corner of my eye and I am pretty sure that she noticed it as well. And she gazed at me for that fraction of a second, and wham…! Eureka.

The magic of the 3 feet mark needs to be examined. In that zone all it needed was a single gaze from her to lead me to a place where I would have never gone otherwise. I could sense the increase in blood flowing into my brain. Only such a high volume of blood in my brain could have made me wonder on something as crazy as this – do women, in general (and she, in particular) get beautiful over time or are they simply born beautiful. If I had this thought at any distance outside the 3 feet mark, I would have laughed at myself on the inanity of the question. If only I had told it to a friend, he would have punched me in my face and brought me back to normalcy. But since neither happened, I needed an answer.

The distance reduced to 2 feet. Still no answer. In another second she would have gone past me, and I could pretend that none of this ever happened. But at that instant I needed an answer. The amount of brain storming that I did in this single second still continues to baffle me. Here’s what I came up with.

• Exhibit A, Hair - Liked the way she had styled it today. But I was pretty sure it would have been just as great if she had done it in any other way.

• Exhibit B, Eyes - Looked great with the eye-liner. But the eyes are something that you cannot feign, WSIWYH (What you see is what you have).

• Exhibit C, Sharp, pointed nose - No debate here. It's either there or not there. She had it.

• Exhibit D, The graceful walk - you can't pretend this as well. And it was there.

• Exhibit E, ….

Suddenly, the blood flow seemed to stop. I looked around and she was gone. I was out of the 3 feet zone. And I had an answer. The score was 4 to nil and I had found what I wanted!

After a few more steps, I regained my composure. I pretended as if nothing happened and strutted along. But there was an uneasy silence prevailing. As I turned around, one of my friends asked me, “What was that crap all about. Do you know what you were saying?”. Oho.. Had I been talking aloud all along?!!.

Honorary Chennai Citizenship for Dhoni

The Chennai Super Kings have lifted the IPL trophy for the first time, and as a CSK fan, I couldn’t be more overjoyed. Beyond doubt, MS Dhoni is the man behind the team's success. His uncanny knack of extracting the best out of his team has made CSK the most reliable team in the IPL so far. There is no doubt that he will be retained by the CSK management for season four also.

This joyous occasion calls for some unprecedented celebrations. Yes, there will be a grand reception at the airport, a parade across the city streets and a huge party. Fans will lap up every bit of the scoop on how grand the party was and which player got lucky that night. And in a couple of days the tide will pass and the euphoria will die away. Life will be back to normal and we will forget that this ever happened. What a travesty, that our style of celebration belittles the achievement. Do we celebrate like how cave men celebrate a rich haul of wild animals?

To set this right, we must confer an honorary citizenship on the heroes who are increasingly defining Chennai's indomitable spirit. Henceforth, Dhoni should be known as an Honorary Citizen of Chennai. A public function should be organized by none less than the mayor and a plaque conferring citizenship should be presented to him. As a dashing youngster, he caught the imagination of die hard cricket fans and now as a mature statesman, he has won the praise of others too. Similarly, Suresh Raina, Mathew Hayden and Doug Bollinger too should be conferred with this distinction.

Let us celebrate in style and not let fancy parties alone get the better of our desire to honour the players. A recognition like this may not mean anything on paper. But the joy the players derive in being loved is the best that a progressive society like ours could offer to true sportsmanship. Truly global cities like Paris have this set a precedent for honouring achievers in this way. Chennai should take a cue from this and honour its players in a way that will last for long time.

These players deserve our love. It is our motivation that will make them go onto the field for the next time, knowing that the hearts of thousands beat in sync with theirs.

From A CSK Fan

It was a treasured Saturday morning. I woke up at Eleven Thirty, only because the heat from sun outside my air-conditioned room made the 1.5 tonne LG split AC useless. Welcome to life in Chennai. It's hot nearly at all times of the year. The heat can sap even the last drop of fluid from a perfect black body. For those not living in Chennai, here is a quick briefing. Chennai is super hot (climate, please - no pun intended), has a lot of unwritten rules for social behaviour (a.k.a boy-girl interaction) with hardly anyone transgressing these, making moral policing obsolete. Cheer leaders are planning to wear Kanchipuram silk sarees from the next season. Actor Vijay is the best we could manage for our IPL team's brand ambassador, and our definition of fun during a match starts and ends with Sivamani banging on the snare drum for everything from the toss to the presentation ceremony. For a guy from Delhi or Mumbai, living in Chennai would seem like God's ways of punishing him. Chennai is not the easiest of cities to live in - nothing much for the teenagers to boast off, or cause envy to their cousins living in other parts of India, except for the board exam marks in Class XII.

About me - I work for an IT company. And they do a good job of sucking out the juices from a man's life (almost making the sun irrelevant). Weekends are the only time I get to take off and relish myself in some indulgences. Anyway, as I finished brunch, I recollected the most important work I had for the day - an IPL match at 4PM, Chennai Vs Rajasthan. The very thought of the match got me up and kicking. God, I love the IPL.

I knew that the excitement in the stadium would build up from 3 PM onwards and so rushed to get ready. What work did I have for me to start rushing 3 hours before time? Well, IT life leaves little room for niceties like a hair-cut or a shave. Weekend is the only time, a man dare dream of such a thing. And I had to beat the Saturday crowd at the salon. It took me a couple of hours to get out of the salon, and needless to say, the pain of getting a shave while sweating (despite the AC) left me looking forward to almost nothing but more sleep. But the thought of seeing Dhoni and team put up a show helped me beat that thought. I rushed home and stuffed a banner and a bandana in my bag and left for the ground.

As I walked into the stadium at 3.30 P.M. Ravi Shastri was finishing the pitch report and Dhoni and Warne were walking to the center for toss. The crowd went berserk. The atmosphere around us was charged up instantly by a few thousand volts. Captain Dhoni won the toss and had decided to bat first. Sitting from the stands it’s not possible to find out what happened at the toss. But when Dhoni walked up to talk first, Chennai fans screamed their lungs out. The good thing about the Chennai crowd is that we know our Cricket (We have the unique distinction of awarding a Pakistani player with a standing ovation!). If Dhoni talked first, he must have won the toss. No guessing what CSK would do first. In a few minutes, Murali Vijay and Mathew Hayden charged into the ground. The sight of seeing them charging in like that gave me goose bumps. Sweet lord, new realms of pleasure!

As the start neared, I gathered my breath and looked around the ground. It was almost painted in yellow. The TNCA's over-swelled coffers were finally making a difference. The stands and the electronic score-boards looked sparkling new. The old electronic big screen near the pavilion stand had given way to a new one with bright lights. And it no more carried a Poompuhar Banian ad on it. The IPL was giving the stadium a long-due make over. Fans were pulling out banners and charts with crazy things on them. I pulled out mine and found the words to be as stupid as the ones on the banner next to mine. It felt great to be watching a match like this. Forget the heat, forget the moribund IT life, and forget the crass sounds from Sivamani's drums. Let's not even look at the cheer girls. (Oops, I just did and found a guy dancing now!) It’s time to let yourself loose and scream louder than anyone around you.

  

It was then that I realized that it's an awesome feeling to be a CSK fan. Finally Chennai has an identity that is no more idly sambar. Finally we have something to boast off to our cousins and relatives in other cities. We have an awesome team that plays with zest. Dhoni exemplifies this spirit and has made sure that the entire team plays that way. It's great to see the captain backing domestic payers and giving them the opportunity to make a difference. And it's even greater to see the domestic players rise up to the challenge.

As I post this article, CSK have leaped into second position. They may qualify or may not; it doesn’t matter to me. I’m not a CSK fan because of the points table. I’m a fan because they play good cricket and play it with great spirit. Cricket, as in life is not about winning or losing. It's only an honest attempt that matters. CSK is truly substance over style, something that is true of everything that Chennai is all about.